Couples’ Communication Retreat
The Role Mate to Soul Mate Method
February 9 - 11, 2018
Friday - Sunday, 2 nights
Plus 2 nights all-inclusive accommodations priced separatelyRegistration Closed
The inability to handle personal criticism from loved ones is a common Achilles’ heel. The more deeply couples are in love, the harder it is to handle. Soon, they feel they are walking on eggshells, unable to express themselves honestly, and the love fades. Raising children and dealing with money magnifies the problems even as those problems become the reason couples stay together. The result? Couples often remain legally married but psychologically divorced—in a minimum-security-prison marriage.
The biggest culprit in this dynamic is defensiveness. Active listening is a good solution, but is rarely used. Warren Farrell developed Cinematic Immersion, a method that enables couples to actively listen to their partner without feeling defensive. As couples learn how to emotionally experience “criticism” as love, they simultaneously learn the art and discipline of appreciating their partner.
- Explain to couples how to sustain a “Conflict-Free Zone”
- Utilize The Six Mindsets Method of couples’ communication
- Identify two distinctions between appreciating a partner effectively and ineffectively
- Explain “Caring and Sharing Time” to couples and apply it in exercises
- Demonstrate the discipline of love in dyad form in workshop exercises that can be replicated with clients in their family and work life
- Design a post-workshop follow-up strategy for sustaining what was learned in the workshop.
After the workshop, free ongoing group conference calls with Farrell allow the group to continually remove barriers and inspire each other.
Warren Farrell, PhD
Educator, activist, author, figure in modern men’s movement
Dr. Warren Farrell trains couples and psychologists worldwide in the “art and discipline of love.” He was a pioneer in both the women’s movement and the modern men’s movement. He is the co-author, with John Gray, of The Boy Crisis (2018) and the author of two international bestsellers, Why Men Are the Way They Are and Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say. His books are published in more than 50 countries and in 17 languages.
Dr. Farrell has been chosen by the Financial Times as one of the world’s top 100 thought leaders. He has appeared on more than 1,000 TV and radio shows, including interviews with Oprah, Larry King, Katie Couric, Peter Jennings, and Barbara Walters. Dr. Farrell serves as chair of the Coalition to Create a White House Council on Boys and Men. He has two daughters and lives with his wife in Mill Valley, California.View Bio Page
Learn about Dr. Farrell’s Cinematic Immersion, a systematic method to guide<br /> interactions and help couples actively listen to one another
Feel empowered to receive personal criticism, even when it’s poorly given, without the debilitating sense of defensiveness and hurt in your relationship.
Explore seven mindsets that enable couples to emotionally experience personal<br /> criticism as love, rather than become defensive—even when the criticism is poorly<br /> given
Examine tools and techniques to break out of destructive communication patterns and experience.
Things to Know/Schedule
7:30 PM – 9:00 PM:
Introduction to active listening’s strengths and weaknesses and why it is rarely used outside of a therapist’s office.
Why defenses were biologically natural for survival but are dysfunctional for love.
Introduction to the prerequisites necessary to be able to hear personal criticism from a loved one without becoming defensive.
Intro to the importance of giving criticism well, but its inadequacy.
–Introduction to criticism from the perspective of the criticizer and the criticized.
–Intro to the concept of dividing a week into a conflict free zone and a “caring and sharing time”
–Twelve question self-assessment of defense mechanisms most-often used by workshop participants.
–Comparison of self-assessment with partner’s assessment of participant’s defense mechanisms.
–The eight most-foundational requirements for deepening intimacy and honesty.
–The anger/vulnerability connection
–Intro to the art of appreciation, and the discipline of appreciation.
9:00 AM-10:30 AM:
–The importance of a conflict-free zone.
–How to create a conflict-free zone, and the six tools needed to sustain a conflict-free zone with 168 hours of the week.
–Explanation as why, since the ability to hear personal criticism without becoming defensive is unnatural, it is necessary to create an altered state prior to hearing criticism.
–Intro to the six mindsets that are necessary to create that altered state—called a Caring and Sharing time.
–How to set up a Caring and Sharing time.
–Group exercises to connect each mindset of the Caring and Sharing time to the couple’s reality.
10:30 AM- 10:45 AM: Break
10:45 AM- 12:00 PM:
–Handout used to create an experience of the psychology of each person having their own “story” related to any given event.
–Selecting an issue of the greatest concern for sharing in the Caring and Sharing time.
–Methods for keeping each partner safe during the Caring and Sharing time.
–Adding an adaptation of active listening to the Caring and Sharing time.
–Integrating the art and discipline of appreciating into the Caring and Sharing time.
–Practice session in reviewing the six mindsets.
–First listener preparing to listen by actively reviewing the six mindsets to associate being criticized with an opportunity to be more deeply loved.
–First partner sharing concern first sharing appreciations, then concern.
12:00 PM-1:30 PM: Lunch
1:30 PM – 3:15 PM:
–First listener shares what she or he heard, and asks if anything was distorted or missed.
–Partner initially sharing concern reviews six mindsets to create a non-defensive mindset for hearing the listening partner’s response.
–First listener responds with her or his perspective.
–Partner shares what was heard, and then asks if anything was distorted or missed.
–Everyone shares insights and stumbling blocks.
–Repeat of this process with the second partner beginning by sharing her or his appreciations and concern while the other reviews the six mindsets to prepare to listen non-defensively and associate being criticized with an opportunity to be more-deeply loved.
3:15 PM-3:30 PM: Break
3:30 PM-4:30 PM:
–How to modify the six mindsets method to use with someone who has not taken the course (a parent, child, employee, employer, sibling, etc.)
–The “Are You OK?” Agreement
–Creative problem-solving for problems that need more than compassion (e.g., children or parents moving in)
–The power of the 3 A’s: the Apology; the Ask; Appreciations
–The power of music and dance to alter moods
–Strategies for handling unexpected criticisms.
–Sarcasm as experienced by the giver and the receiver.
9:00 AM – 11:30 AM:
–Exercise reviewing most important insights and their future application
–Exercise sharing new appreciations and understandings of partner
–Exercise determining commitments to change
–Renewal of vows exercise
Psychologists, Psychiatrists, Social Workers, MFTs, Counselors, Nurses. All levels.
This course has been approved for 9.5 CE hours for qualified participants. To learn how and where to apply, click HERE.
Cancellations and Refunds
If You Cancel
- If you cancel 14 or more days prior to your arrival date, payments made will be refunded in full (less a $50 processing fee).
- If you cancel between 13 days and 1 day prior to your arrival date, a nonrefundable credit (less a $50 processing fee) will be held for one year from the date of issue.
- No credit or refund is available if you cancel on your arrival day, if you do not show up, or if you leave a program or event early.
- No refund will be available if you attend a program and are dissatisfied with its presentation or content.
If 1440 Multiversity Cancels
On rare occasions, due to unforeseen circumstances, 1440 Multiversity may need to cancel a program. Should this circumstance arise, you will receive a full refund.
Participants of approved continuing education courses may register complaints with the approval entity with an option to appeal to their licensing Board if displeased with the results of the process.
For questions or concerns, please email [email protected]
Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say and Father and Child Reunion, Warren Farrell
Special Interest To
Couples of any configuration with a history and who desire a future with improved communication (e.g. parents; the married or divorced; newlyweds; parent-child pairs; siblings), as well as therapists and marriage counselors
About 1440 Multiversity
Beautifully nestled in the California redwoods near Santa Cruz, our 75-acre campus is within easy reach of San Francisco and Silicon Valley.
1440 Multiversity is a place to spend time engaging some of life’s most meaningful personal questions and to enjoy, restore, and reenergize yourself as you do it.
You’ll find new energy through immersion learning—setting aside daily urgencies and dedicating uninterrupted time to focus on important, but often elusive, priorities. Our unique collaboration with world-class faculty coupled with an original, inspirational curriculum and magnificent grounds make this a place like no other. Add in fresh, redwood-scented air, delicious and healthy food, deep reflection, fun exercise, and good sleep and you’ve pretty much captured what you’ll experience here.
At 1440 Multiversity, you’ll find a wide range of accommodations to meet your preferences and budget. All of our rooms have been thoughtfully designed to provide comfort, promote reflection, and foster connection with others.
Accommodation rates include more than just the bed you sleep in.
Per-person per-night rates include:
- nourishing locally sourced, seasonal meals
- daily meditation and yoga classes
- non-ticketed evening events
- use of all facilities, including the Fitness Center, steam rooms, and infinity-edge hot tub.
Guests also enjoy access to woodland trails, cafés, and shops.