The truth is that we all have different internal struggles that get in our way when it comes to finding and maintaining the love we say we want. However, there are certain patterns we bring to our relationships that are based on our past and that often lead us to the same relationship outcomes. The good news is, if we can be open, curious, and willing to explore these patterns and where they come from, we can take a great deal of power over our romantic lives.
You could look at parenting as an opportunity, or you could look at it as a calling to be stressed and overwhelmed. If you look at it as an opportunity, then you learn that reactivity is the default, and transcending reactivity is the call of consciousness.
So, it’s not even that we need a new conversation. It’s the simple fact that conversation has become the central tool for being in a relationship rather than preset modes of conduct.
In the resting state, when we’re not distracted, the research shows we have a 13–18% accuracy rate. If we’re distracted, the distortion rate goes up to almost 100% immediately. The reason this happens is that most of us are running a movie in our minds, projecting reality as we know it or as we fear it, wish it, or remember it.
I am trying to make space for the conversations that we most deeply long to have—the questions of what it means to be human, how we want to live, and who we
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